Finding the Next Piece

I’ve come to regard my emotional process as a million piece puzzle I will spend my life assembling.

The outline has been set, years of work slowly defining the shape of things.

Some of the scenes are clear, defined, nearly if not totally complete.

Some portions remain empty holes, yet to be understood, seen, or sketched out.

And others... They are forming before my eyes, taking shape slowly but steadily while my fingers sort through the pieces strewn about, searching for the feel of what’s next.

I used to hate this process. I used to spend so much time second guessing every move.

I would find a new awareness, a piece that so clearly clicked right into place, but instead of placing it and moving on, I’d hold onto it, twisting it around in my hands for weeks or months or years, worrying about whether it was right, stressing about the picture it was creating.

But this year, I’ve learned to recognize the rightness I feel in my body when the fingers of my soul find the next piece of the puzzle.

There’s a knowing that happens as the piece fits into place that I now recognize.

Sometimes it feels satisfying, a full body pleasure “yes” that resonates like a chord being struck just right.

Other times the knowing is clear, but the picture starts to go in a direction I’m not sure I would have chosen for myself, and it feels discomfiting. There’s an urge to resist before the reluctant yielding to the process.

I’ve been putting this puzzle together for years, but this year, I’ve made a commitment that has changed everything.

Surrender to the knowing.

Trust when a piece so clearly fits perfectly, clicking into place in my soul in a way that makes my inner knowing sigh.

“Yes, that was it. That was what was next.”

Surrender when it feels so deliciously good.
Surrender when it feels heartbreakingly true.
Surrender when it feels terrifyingly real.

Surrender to what I know to be next, and then, as I allow that new piece to set (deep breaths, love, let that one integrate)…

I let go, and allow myself to move on with curiosity onto what’s next.

Feeling the pieces.
Considering.
Dreaming.

Knowing that the next piece will reveal itself in its own time, and all I ever have to do is trust the process and allow it to unfold, surrendering to the knowing of the next right step.